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Hello, blog family. It’s me again.

I write to you today for so many reasons, but mostly because, as I’ve shared before, blogging to the world helps me cope with life. It helps me manage my mental health and process the heavy things that sit on my heart. In many ways, this platform is my journal to the world.

There is something strangely paradoxical about sharing your deepest truths online. It feels more real, somehow, to be completely vulnerable in front of strangers than it does to speak to people I see every day. I really don’t know why that is, perhaps it’s the lack of immediate judgment, or maybe it’s the hope that someone, somewhere, is nodding their head and saying, “Me too.” But somehow, it brings me peace. So, as I blog today, I want to talk about a topic that most of us have been through, are currently going through, or are afraid to admit.

I am writing this to bring awareness not only to you, my readers, but to myself. The topic on my heart today is Blinded by Desire: How My Need for Love Led Me Astray.

The Narrative of Failed Romance

For a long time, I looked at my romantic history and saw a lineup of relationships that simply never worked out. For years, I felt like the victim of bad luck or bad timing. I would ask myself why this negative storyline kept repeating itself in the movie of my life. Why was I always the one left picking up the pieces?

However, the first step to true healing is stepping out of the victim role and taking accountability for our own actions. Today, I am not here to point fingers at the men I had relationships with. I am not here to list their wrongs or detail their mistakes. Did they have faults? Absolutely. Did they make mistakes? Of course; they are human, too.

But this post isn’t about them. It is about me. It is about taking full ownership of the role I played in my own heartbreak.

Ignoring the Red Lights

I had to face a hard truth: I was a woman who wanted to be loved so bad that I was willing to sacrifice my own vision to get it. I wanted that deep connection with a man so desperately that I developed a form of selective blindness.

When you are starving for affection, you don’t check the ingredients of what you are being fed. I had this specific vision in my head of what love should look like, and I wanted it so badly that I would project that vision onto men who were not capable of giving it to me.

I would see the red lights, those warning signs that scream “Stop!” or “Turn back!”—and I would treat them like green lights. I would speed right through them because I was chasing a feeling. I ended up playing myself.

When we are chasing love, it usually stems from a lack of value within ourselves. We are looking for someone else to fill a void that only we can fill. This isn’t just a “woman thing” or a “man thing”—both parties go through this. When we are in that frantic state of mind, desperate to be chosen, we stop seeing what is standing right in front of us. All of our common sense, our intuition, and our boundaries go right out the window.

The Root of the Desire

I can admit now that my intense need to be loved—that desire that blinded me stems from my childhood. That is a heavy, complex topic that deserves its own space, so I will go into that another day. But acknowledging the root is part of the work. It explains why I was so willing to abandon myself just to keep someone else around.

Since I have been on this healing journey, my eyes have started to clear. I have been looking back and seeing so many things I could have avoided if I had just loved myself enough to say “no” sooner. I see the exits I missed. I see the compromises I made that chipped away at my spirit.

No Regrets, Just Lessons

You might ask: Do I regret those relationships? Do I wish I could take back the years I spent blinded by desire?

My answer is no.

Every bad relationship, every heartbreak, and every moment of confusion has made me figure out who I am. They forced me to look in the mirror. They were all teachable lessons. If I hadn’t gone through the fire, I wouldn’t be the woman I am today, writing this blog post.

Does it hurt? Yes. It hurts to look back and see how little I settled for. But I am human. When you are human, you feel things. Pain, regret, sadness, hope, these are all evidence that you are alive. That is a good thing.

I have never been the type to run away from my feelings, no matter how uncomfortable they are. I sit with them. I let them wash over me. Because each time I face a difficult emotion, it makes me more aware. It shows me where I am, and more importantly, it shows me where I need to be headed.

So, if you are reading this and you feel like you are chasing love, or if you feel ashamed of your past relationships, please know you are not alone. We have all been blinded by desire. But the beautiful thing about blindness is that sight can be restored. We can learn to see ourselves clearly, and in doing so, we learn to recognize the love we actually deserve.

Until next time, keep healing.

Lakisha Morris